• Breaking Up 21.11.2010

    So we’ve been dating for a few years and overall things are great. We are getting along, and both happier with each other than we have been in most, if not all of our past relationships. We both know the end is coming soon though, and it made me wonder how hard it must be for couples who know that their dating is coming to end, and when it’s not about one person who screwed up or hates the other. This kind of breaking up may be the hardest to do.



    Most relationships as far as I know, end up with someone doing something big time wrong, like telling lies, or cheating or something. Often times one person knows they are going to break up with the other, and the other person does not know the break up is coming. What about those times when you are both happy with each other, and yet you know that the relationship is in for a major change and odds are will be coming to an end? This may be one of the hardest kinds of change / breakups.

    I started thinking that this kind of upcoming dating / relationship change must be unusual, but who else might go through this kind of thing? I guess sometimes people int he military deal with similar situations, or people that have one partner move for a job or to take care of a distant family member or friend

    In our situation things are basically both of us moving to different cities. We both still want to be with each other, but it just doesn’t seem possible for us to both land in the same city in this future. Looking into each others’ eyes and opening our hearts, we want to maintain our relationship, but we know long distance relationships do not last. We discussed how a long distance relationship would work, but we both know logically it just won’t last.

    Trying to make a long distance relationship work is tough. We talked about how it could work, how we could see each other on weekends, and had that little pipe dream of still being happy and in love. Days later when we discussed how it would really work, we both knew it would not work. Seeing each other every weekend would turn to every other weekend, and then once a month. We’d both want to have sex more often than that, we’d both yearn to have someone in our bed more than once a month. We know that we would start to gravitate towards someone else eventually.

    Throughout this process there have been times that we discussed it being it easier if we could just be mad at the other person and make a clean break, we discussed other things to make it easier as well. We have discussed going for an open relationship while we are apart and still see each other occasionally. We discussed the feelings that we would have knowing the other was sleeping with someone else. We discussed ways to make it work so that we could stay in the same city. Trying to make a relationship work and choosing to make other family, friends, and future employment suffer is such a difficult discussion.

    It’s heart breaking when you have different people pulling you in different directions. Sometimes there is no way to make things work to keep everyone happy, and making a decision based upon who is most important is not fun. When it comes down to it, we have decide looking at the overall picture. What is best for each of us as an individual, looking at the big picture. Having all these things come up recently, I still wonder how many other people have to deal with similar situations. I have studied how to get over the loss of a loved one, but in this situation i find myself willing to drag it out. We both keep going through procrastination and putting it all off.

    More on this later as the situation unfolds I guess.

    Posted by Steven @ 7:18 am for Breaking Up |

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