It’s no secret, a lot of people meet their mates at work. I read somewhere that the percentage was pretty high, something like 25%, and in a survey in 2008 from career builder, forty percent of respondents said they have dated at work, with 31 percent leading to marriage. I’ve certainly seen many people getting together at work, even when it is against the rules.
So how do you do it? Why do we do it? And what are the issues to consider? First off, how do you even get started? Obviously if fraternization is against the rules, you can’t just go around asking everyone out on a date. I don’t exactly know how it gets started, but I’ve been in the position where I’ve ended up dating those I worked with, or at least had the opportunity somehow or another. Do be careful not to get set up for some kind of sexual harassment situation.
Why do we do it? Convenience probably. Thou shall covet what thy see everyday? Getting to know people builds relationships and naturally you will gravitate towards those with similar interests. It may be a tougher question to answer how we do not do it.
Issues to consider when dating someone at work is against the rules.
What do you do if you get fired for it? What do you do if he/she gets fired for it? How does it make you feel when your partner gets the boot and you’re still at work? Or what happens if you both get kicked to the curb?
How do you act? This is the hardest part for me. You have to act like coworkers, not mates. This could mean all kinds of things. Not hugging and kissing when you want. Watching your eyes, and other people watching your eyes. Making decisions at work based solely on work ethics, not feelings for the other. What happens if you find yourself in the situation where someone else at work hits on your mate or talks about him or her when they are not around. There are all kinds of things that will come up that you never expected to have to deal with in a way that is against the way you may feel is right, but have to act in order to keep things smooth on the job, especially if people find out you are dating a co-worker – others could use it as blackmail, or as a way to accuse you of preferential treatment.
What if the relationship goes far and you want to move in together, or get married. How is that going to play out in the workplace? I have worked at different places with different rules. At one place it was forbidden completely, but people did it, and everyone knew about it. Not a big issue there. At another place it was forbidden for a manager to date an associate, but a manager could date a manager, or an associate could date and associate. That place made me want to give up management. You could have to give up a promotion to stay together or something.
I also believe it is important to take on objective look at why someone else may want to date you. There is a fine line between someone liking because you are successful, and someone being attracted to you because you are a higher up in the company, or in some way may be able to benefit them financially or help them move up the corporate ladder, or get better shifts, or give them some kind of other advantage over others in the workplace.
Then you have the whole jealousy issue at work with other coworkers. It’s ridiculous.
I’m sure there are many other issues to consider depending upon your particular situation, certainly there could more legal and ethical issues depending on what industry you are in. These are just a few thoughts for those of you who are running into this for the first time.
What issues have you found? How have you handled dating at work?