I found a post on some college board talking about how more and more people are using social networks and computer technology to cheat on their lovers. Now I am of course a big fan of using technology for online dating, meeting and networking, but if you are in a relationship with someone who believes there is exclusivity, what actions cross the line?
One of my former girlfriends was constantly bombarded with emails from guys offering dates, time, money, all kinds of things, via the myspace social network. That didn’t really bother me, but I wonder what kind of replies she would make sometimes, and if there were times that she considered any of these offers? I also wonder how she could get so mad at me when I kept in email contact with some of my ex’s. Social networks, myspace, emails, instant messengers, text messages, all of this technology can make it easier to show your love, and it can also make it easier to stray. So what crosses the line?
I know this is different for different people, certainly there are couples out there that agree to break all communication with all ex lovers, I’ve been in a relationship like that. I have also been in relations where we were open about communicating with previous lovers. Certainly if you are dating someone that has kids and needs to be in contact with a baby daddy or baby momma as there are so lovingly referred to these days, there is going to be some kind of communication.
A recent talk with an ex girlfriend enlightened me on how she sees talking with other people while in a committed relationship. She said that when talking to other people she would not say or type anything that would be embarrassing for her boyfriend to hear or read. She thought it would be inappropriate to bag on her man or flirt with someone, even if it wasn’t physical cheating. That’s pretty smart, although I wonder how many people would actually follow that line of thinking given the possibility of anonymous instant communication.
I have had girlfriends go through and read my emails and text messages. What bothered me most about that was the lack of trust first of all. Secondly, in my experience, someone who is lacking that trust and worries that you may use a method to cheat, may be the kind of person that is using that method to cheat themselves. I never worried about a girlfriend finding something bad in my messages, it has happened in some one way communications, girls that emailed wanting to pursue dating with me, girls expressing love, but I am honorable in my replies, and if someone did not respect my current relationship boundaries then I would do whatever was necessary at the time. I suppose I have been following that way of thinking for some time.
So what crosses the line for you?
Have you read your partners texts or emails without them knowing?
Have you used other technology to spy on your partner to see if they are being inappropriate with others?