Adult Stories, and Advice

I’ve dated several girls over the years who are / were bisexual, and there are both pluses and minuses to the whole bisexual dating scene. Of course most people who have not dated a bisexual girl or guy think about the ultimate threesome fantasy and about kinky threeway sex, and certainly that can be great fun, and sometimes it can lead to incredible love being shared, but it’s not all Hollywood or a porno flick the whole time, there can be downsides to it as well.

I’ve been in good bisexual relationships, and I’ve been in a few bad ones. I’ve had some great threesomes, actually I’ve had a lot of great threesomes, both relationships and sexual encounters. I spent a couple years in a polyamorous relationship that went really really well. It didn’t end well, but it sure was a lot of fun, and there was a lot of true love with the three of us. I had another long term three way relationship that had great sex among the three of us, and the emotional side was good, but not equal among the three of us, yet that one went well and ended well. Within those relations and others I have experienced great times and some tough times as well.

There are many pluses to bisexual dating, I won’t go into detail here, saving that for another post, but the sex and love that can be shared among three or more people in a polygamous relationship can be mind blowing when done right. With some of my longer term three way relationships there were other bonuses aside from the great kissing and sex, cooking for three or four is not any harder than cooking for two, and certainly more joyous than cooking for just yourself. When I shared living expenses with two other lovers we were able to enjoy some great material additions to our lives, and many things were great liek that. Trips to the grocery store for three people driving just one car, all kinds of bonuses. More on that later, the inspiration for this post was actually so vent about some of the minuses.

There was an episode of “sex in the city” where Carrie Bradshaw dated a bisexual guy, I vaguely remember that particular show (or any of them really for that matter), but I do remember her wondering at one point if her bisexual lover was checking out a guy or a girl in a bar. I don’t remember what other issues she had, it seems to me that every show was about finding the negatives about each stereo-type of guy out there and making fun of it, then moving on to her fondness of unavailable, successful rich guy, big. But that’s another story. The point is, it’s easy to get a little jealous when you are in love or in a relationship. Some jealousy can be healthy, it spurs me to make myself better, workout and stay focused on getting more money – lol. But jealousy that is hard to figure out is not fun, and when dating a bisexual girl or guy, the jealousy can be tricky.

I mean, if you are dating a bisexual girl, and you know she really enjoys girls, what can you do when you get jealous of another girl? I’ve thought of a few things, like trying to be smooth shaven when we get together, but  things like her love of boobs, well, there’s not much I can do about that. Yeah I know some guys that have gotten boob jobs, but that is a whole ‘nother story, and I’m not going there. When a girl feels the need to compete with a guy in a FFM relationship, a girl can buy a strap on, and a really big one that never goes limp, she can work out, take testosterone, all kinds of things, but there are limits on what can be done to compete the other way around.

I suppose a big part of it is how bisexual is the person you are dating. I’ve been with girls who were pretty much 80 percent straight and 20 percent gay, they enjoyed girls, liked having sex with other girls, but did not want to be in a relationship with one. I’ve also dated girls who were 20 percent straight and 80 percent gay, one girl was so into girls that very few guys caught her eye, and keeping her attention as a male was quite difficult. I found out in that relationship what girls mean when they talk about getting mad that their lover was interested in a uglier girl. I understood when “Brenda” took a second look, or even a long stare at a seriously hot girl walking by, but when she showed strong interest in girls that I thought were down right ugly, I was thrown for a loop.

So when you get past the fun sex and the occasional thoughts of a three way make out session, when you get serious and get emotionally attached or involved with someone who is bisexual, you may wonder about infidelity and losing your lover twice as much. It definitely does not hurt any less to lose your lover to someone of the opposite sex, I know, been there done that.

So there are big picture issues, but there are also smaller ones.

If you are in a three way make out session and your lover spends more time making out with the other, sometimes it’s no big deal, but sometimes it can cause you to wonder. A little jealousy can set in. I know, I’ve been there. I’ve also have a girl one time point out to me that I went from kissing her boobs to kissing the other girls legs, then back to the first girls legs and ending with kissing the second girls boobs. She was actually keeping score or which body parts I was touching with each girl, (and probably with how much time I spent there as well). At the time I shrugged it off, but being on the other side of that, being the one waiting on the sidelines for attention and affection while my other two lovers were going at it, I didn’t keep score, or count the minutes or songs, but after an hour of them two making out, in a way that made me wonder if they even knew I was still in the room, well that was kind of a jolt to the system.

Now this didn’t bother me in the longer term relations, when it was three of us every day and every night, I didn’t worry if they made out with out, and they didn’t worry if I made out with just one of them. It was discussed that it could become an issue if I was to have sex with one girl only for a couple days and ignored or didn’t have sex with the other, but we were all secure enough in the relationship to know that we’d be together with the other when time permitted. There was never a time in that relationship when two of us paired off and excluded the third. Well not until the very end, when my two favorite girlfriends left together and I was alone, losing both. It was my choice, and a wise one, that had nothing to do with the polyamore we shared, it was a lifestyle change that had to do with other issues.

There are many pluses and minuses with bisexual dating, this post just scratches the surface. What kind of issues have you had or could foresee  with dating bisexual lovers?