I found an article today that a woman wrote, saying these 10 things a good boyfriend will not ask of his mate. I have to disagree. At first I disagreed completely and was a little miffed about her way of writing, but after a second read, I have to say, that these things really depend upon the people involved, what kind of relationship the two have, and other factors in the daily lives of those involved. Perhaps in some relationships her suggestions may be true, but I find them totally out of sink with reality for many situations. If she doesn’t want these things in her life, that is fine, but writing as a dating editor I think it is in bad taste to make such a blanket statement that if someone asks you to do laundry or plan a vacation that that makes them a bad boyfriend. Get real.
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She says that a good BF will not ask to do the laundry. Well what if we are busy, really busy guys. What if we work jobs, and what if the girlfriend has plenty of time to get it done? Asking for some domestic help from your lover should not make the other person bad, girlfriend or boyfriend.
Asking to buy gifts for other people? Well I wouldn’t do that per se, but I can imagine situations where it could happen, and again, asking for some help doesn’t make you a bad boyfriend.
Plan an entire vacation without his help – well I can see several situations where that could be the best choice. Sure, I know women like it when guys plan an entire date and everything is perfect without them having to worry and plan anything. This is the real world however, and having some input from the GF would certainly be helpful. Why shouldn’t we give the girl a chance to plan everything if she wants it to be great for her? Not exactly what I would do, but if I did give license for my significant other to plan an entire vacation, that would not make me a bad boyfriend, in fact I think many women might find that enjoyable.
So she says a good boyfriend would not ask for his mate to make him a sandwich? Geeze, I am glad I will never date this girl! Why shouldn’t I ask for a sandwich to be made? My girl can ask me to make her one too. I find that good relationships are made better when people do what they can, when they can to help others. Making food or making tea, if you have time and I can finish other projects quicker, then that will give us more time together. That is what a good relationship is about.
She says a good boyfriend would never ask you to change your relationship status on facebook. Well I can think of plenty of good reasons to do that. Sure it may not be a big deal for most people, and I agree that how you act in the real world is just as important, but some people out there live in the facebook / myspace world. If you have been dating exclusively for 6 months, your status is still single, and you are still getting all kinds of “let’s go out” emails from guys to your social network profiles, then perhaps it would be a good idea to change your status. I wouldn’t ask someone to change their status, I don’t think I have changed mine, but everyone who myspace mails me knows my real world status. For many women it doesn’t work the same way. Simply posting some pictures of you together may work for fending off the women, but most guys trying to take your girl out will consider the status as an invitation for asking. If you don’t want the broken heart thing to show up in the newsfeed on 50- friends, then change your settings.
A good BF shouldn’t ask for a wake up call? I think a good boyfriend or girlfriend would help the other wake up if they needed help. One of my favorite girlfriends wake up 10 minutes before I had to everyday, made coffee, delivered it, and woke me up with a gentle blowjob. Did I ask her to do this? No. Did we have an incredible relationship because of this? Well it lasted a long time, and we are still friends, and I will never have anything but fond memories of her. Sure you could tell your man that you will never help him wake up, tell him to buy a new alarm clock, even give him batteries for it. I personally think rather than having an attitude about not helping your man wake up, there are more creative ways to help each other wake up.
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She says a good boyfriend will not ask you to hang out with his ex. Well that depends on the situation, and all those situations are different. Is it a company party and she is gonna be there? Is she psycho? Are they interconnected in other ways, like a baby momma situation? I woulnd’t ask my girl to take my ex out for drinks and be her BFF, but there are some situations when it may be necessary to be civil in the presence of an ex.
The one point I agree with her on, is that a bad mate would ask you to keep up with their TV shows. I don’t want to be pressured to watch lifetime shows and I won’t pressure anyone to watch every episode of True Blood. I may ask you to watch a couple of episodes and if you don’t get into it, then no big deal – I can go online and have discussions about my shows. If you don’t want to keep up with my favorite series, at least respect the time that I may want to watch them, and I will do the same for you.
She says a good boyfriend would not ask you to lose weight? Give me a break, a good boyfriend should be honest with you, and if you are getting fat, then we should certainly say something, I am sure the girl will have no qualms about poking at us about our weight. Sure she gives some good suggestions for encouraging exercise, but what she doesn’t point out, is that if we made this a rule, you may find yourself getting a “it’s time for us to split” talk rather than a notice that “your weight has become a serious issue” talk.
Her tenth thing she says a good guy shouldn’t do is to ask her to keep her hair long. Are you serious? Look girl, if we were attracted to you and asked you out when you had long hair, don’t you think it may be a serious issue? For some it may not, and they may not care, for some they may like you just as much with the shorter do, but for some of us, short hair is a major turn off. She talks about short hair is cute and how some girls pull it off with sexiness, well good for them, did we ask them out on a date? In a good relationship the other partner should chime in about hair changes if it will affect things in the relationship. If you were making an appointment to whack your long beautiful hair off, shouldn’t we talk about it first? Perhaps you could get one of those virtual makeover programs and see what your face would look like with the shorter hair. Maybe you might want to consider if your man really likes long hair, then you may be getting less sex in the future, and we may start looking at other women more. Knowing that, would you really expect a good boyfriend to not suggest you keep your long hair?
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This article really ticked me off, rather than saying this is what the rules are, you should say these are what your rules are. I am tired of people trying to push themselves off as experts and tell everyone what the rules should be. Your lifestyle in New York or wherever you are from is not any near the same as ours. When you write as a dating editor and it is republished on yahoo personals, then you have a responsibility to let everyone know these are your pet peeves, not a way for everyone in America to gauge if their boyfriend is good or bad. Get real.